Blog Crickets

Do you hear them? I do. That's what happens when inspiration strikes and you get this idea that you want to start a blog, but you have nothing noteworthy or interesting to write about while you're actually sitting there with a blank screen in front of you. It seems the greatest ideas are always conceived under the most inconvenient circumstances; the greatest revelations always occur when I'm sitting on the crapper... or elbow-deep in dish water... or driving... whatever the case, my hands are nowhere near a keyboard. Today is no different. Nothing particularly profound is running through my head today... in fact, I'm spacing off right now and tracking a fly.  I seem to recall saying that I planned to write in this frequently; however, I've been in a foul mood a lot lately and have felt anything but humorous.  I don't have anything profound to rap about today, so I'll just throw something random out there for the sake of posting something.


So... we recently started attending a new church.  Today we took communion.  They passed around the shiny plates and one of them had these little white squares on it.  Hmmm... never seen these things before.  They didn't have these at our last church.  I wait till they give the nod and I eat it.  I keep waiting for flavor... there is none.  I can't help but notice that the flesh that was broken for us tasted much better in the form of an oyster cracker.

Then we get our little cups of juice.  I have my head bowed and I notice something is floating in mine.  Ew.  I start to blow in it.  My daughter glances over at me. 

"What's wrong?"  She whispers.
"There's a crumb in my blood!"  I hiss back.

I'm grossed out.  The prayer is almost over and the thing won't budge.  I have no choice but to hook a fingernail in there and scoop it out.  While they pray a blessing over us, I'm praying that no one sees me finger-angling during what is supposed to be a serious, solemn moment.

We drink.  While we're supposed to be reflecting on the great sacrifice that was made on our behalf, I look at my empty juice cup and start picturing all the crafty things I can do with it. 

I love God, but I reckon I don't make a very good saint.